The Mighty Brick of Doom!
by digigirl132
Summary: This is a humor story. Zim preforms experiments on a brick while Gir plays tag with some new friends. One shot. Warning! Self-insertyness and hints at Zim/Dib. R+R, flames will be MSTed.


Author: Ok, I admit it! I have problems finishing long stories! GAH! *explodes*

Arramon:……..

Yami:……. Well, that was unexpected.

Arramon: Indeed. But at least she admitted her problem. Now we can get her into rehab.

Yami: *notices the viewers* Oh, right. *pulls out a card* "Yami-Obaasan, I have seen in to the future, and I saw that Kaasan would not be able to finish the author notes. Here's a list of what she wanted to say. Just read them to the viewers, ok? Sincerely, Eriol." …..Obaasan?! *to Arramon* Remind me to kill him later.

Arramon: Noted. 

Yami: right….*continues to read card* I (Mandy) have been having problems with writer's block. As my current fans might know, this has been a problem for a few months now. I do intend to finish the few other stories I have started, but my "doctor" has recommended one-shot stories and MSTs for the time being. So, that is what I intend to do."…..that last sentence is underlined three times…oh, and Mandy wishes to know what ZADR is. 

Arramon: I guess I'll state the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Mandy owns nothing, except a few articles of clothing and some half-finished Japanese homework.

Warning: Self-insertyness. Random anime characters. Slight randomness. Lots of humor. Implied slash. If you don't like that stuff, then don't read! Oh, and if you see a number, skip down to the bottom to read a note about it. And remember: this is a big explanation about a habit of mine. ^.^ read the notes at the bottom to fully understand (at the end, of course)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wow, Japanese is an easy language to learn."

"…really?"

"Yup!"

"Alright, then say, "Today is April 14, 2003. It is sunny, and there isn't a cloud in the sky."

"…."

"I thought Japanese was easy."

"…..that's it! Feel my wrath!"

On that day, a human named Mandy was studying for her Japanese test that following Monday. Mandy wasn't much of a studier, though, so she had enlisted the help of some of her friends. More specifically, Sanosuke(1) and Soujirou(1) were helping her. Sanosuke was the one that had invoked Mandy's wrath. She had picked up her brick(2) and attempted to stab him with it. Soujirou was just watching with an amused look on his face. Mandy tried to stab Sanosuke quite a few times, but with no effect. Sanosuke just laughed and said, "You can't stab me with a brick, Mandy."

"Like hell I can't," Mandy said, "And it's Mandy-SAN(3) to you!"

Soujirou smiled sweetly and said, "Mandy, shouldn't we be more concerned about you passing your test?"

Mandy sighed and sat down. "Anime characters. They have no respect for authoresses anymore…"

"Why should we," Sanosuke said, "You guys have been pretty cruel to us lately. Why does everyone think that I like Kenshin, damnit?! Give me Megumi any day!(1)"

Mandy sighed and said, "It's the fandom. People like the idea of you and Kenshin(1) going at it. Just like some people like the idea of Soujirou and Kamatari(1) going at it."

"No comment," Soujirou said as he quickly looked back to the textbook. Mandy expected this, though; Soujirou was a prude. She would have tried to make the embarrassed bishounen feel better, but she was still angry at Sanosuke. "Damn brick," she thought, "if only it was more powerful or something, I might be able to do something…."

Then, Mandy got an idea. She stood up, picked up her brick, and said, "I'll be back later."

Soujirou looked up, a tint of blush still visible, and said, "Where are you headed to?"

"The Zim universe," Mandy said as she walked across the lawn. Soujirou's eyes widened a bit and he said, "But Mandy…that place is dangerous. I don't like the idea of you going alone."

"Meh, don't worry," Mandy said, "I'll take Neko-Kenshin with me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim was currently in his research lab, thinking up his newest scheme. GIR was running around the house like a rabid monkey. All seemed normal in the household. At least, until one of the motion detectors in the front yard went off. Zim quickly went to the computer console and said, "Computer, show me a view of the front yard."

To Zim's dismay, all but one of the video cameras had been destroyed. The one left was bent at an odd angle, and only showed a patch of ground. But, Zim could clearly see a pair of glasses on that patch of ground. Then, he saw a hand fumble around a bit, apparently trying to find those glasses. The screen then went blank. But Zim had seen enough. As he walked towards the elevator to the house, he only said one word. "Dib."

~~~~~~~~~

It turned out that it was a good thing that Mandy had taken Neko-Kenshin(4) with her. The gnomes in the yard were much more difficult to deal with than Mandy had originally thought (She thought that a few stabs with her brick would be enough). Neko-Kenshin quickly laid waste to them, though, and the cameras too. Now all that was left was to reach the door, then deal with whatever was on the inside. 

Before they could reach the door, however, somebody on the inside had reached it. The person turned the knob and let the door open slowly. Mandy and Neko-Kenshin were prepared for the worst. 

"Whoooooohooooooo!"

Mandy was immediately glomped by a small robot named GIR. She fell to the ground with GIR sitting on her stomach. GIR stared at her for a moment. Then, he smiled. "Ooh, are you a new friend?"

Mandy quickly said, "Yep, we're friends!"

Neko-Kenshin just stared on while looking a tad exasperated. GIR said, "Yay! Youwannahplaywithmypiggy?!"

GIR produced a small plastic piggy. Mandy smiled and said, "I'd love to play, but I gotta see Zim."

"Ooooooooooooooooooh," GIR said, "whadaya wannah see him for, hmm?"

"I need his help with something. That is, if he won't try to kill me or anything. Will you take me to him?"

"Okie dokie!" GIR jumped off of Mandy and ran inside the house. Mandy got up and followed. Neko-Kenshin sighed and said, "Perhaps this wasn't the best of ideas," and followed the two. Of course, nobody understood what Neko-Kenshin said. Nobody present understood Cat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zim arrived on the main floor of the house just in time to see GIR, Mandy, and Neko-Kenshin walk into the kitchen. Zim was angry, of course. First off, he didn't like humans. Secondly, this jeopardized the mission. Zim yelled out, "Stink-beast! What are you doing in my house?!"

Mandy looked to him, then grinned. She said, "Good, this saves time."

GIR sat on the floor and began to play with his rubber piggy. Neko-Kenshin was about to draw his tiny sword, but Mandy held out a hand to stop him. Mandy said, "I need your help with something."

Zim was confused. This worm baby didn't want to turn him over to the authorities? What did she want from him? This strange girl perked Zim's curiosity. "Tell me what you need. I may or may not help you."

Mandy held out her brick. "I need you to alter this brick's…genetic code, I guess? I want this brick to be much stronger than a normal brick."

Zim raised an eyebrow. Or rather, an eyebrow would be raised if he had one. "You want that brick to be stronger? Why?"

"So I can stab people with it."

"…"

"I know it sounds strange, but it's something I do."

"…why don't you just sharpen an edge?"

"That'd make it so I can actually kill someone. I don't wannah kill them, I just want them to be in pain."

"…So you want that brick to be strong enough to hurt somebody, but not to kill them."

"Correct."

Zim just stared at Mandy for a moment. Mandy smiled, waiting for his response. Neko-Kenshin just shook his head, and GIR continued to play with his piggy. Then, Mandy thought of something. She said, "Of course, you will be paid for your work."

Zim said, "What kind of payment?"

Mandy handed Zim the brick, then pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. She said, "You get to choose from one of the following. One: I will not write you in a romance fic."

Zim's eyes went wide and he immediately backed away from Mandy. He pointed to her and said, "You..you…you're an authoress?!"

Mandy nodded happily. "And I intend to write many fics about your life. Now, shall I continue with the list?"

Zim nodded cautiously. Mandy said, "Alright, now where was I…Oh! Here we are! One: I shall not write you in a romance fic. Two: I shall never write you out of character. Three: I shall not write a fic in which you are paired up with an original character/Mary Sue. Four: You shall never die in a fic of mine."

Mandy stopped for a second, as if she were pondering something on the list. Then she took a pencil out of her braid (Which had many miscellaneous things in it, ranging from pencils to small knives) and crossed out something on the list. "Six: I shall not destroy GIR."

"Wait a minute," Zim interjected, "What was option five?"

"Something I can't agree to. Now, choose."

Zim pondered for a moment. Then, he said, "I think I like option three the best."

"Not four?"

"Nah. Life with a Mary Sue is much worse than death."

"Point taken. Alright," Mandy circled something, presumably option three, then put the piece of paper back in her pocket and the pencil back in her braid (right next to a small knife), "You can start your work now."

Zim muttered something in Irken, then walked back to the elevator. He stopped in front of it and said, "Don't touch anything!"

Zim then went down the elevator and to his lab. GIR then looked to Mandy and said, "Youwannahplaynow?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later, Zim was finishing up his work. He had successfully made the brick stronger, and now it could stab almost anything, yet not kill anyone. It couldn't even break the skin, but it still hurt like hell when a person was stabbed by it. "Success," Zim yelled as he lifted the brick above his head, "I have turned a normal brick into the 'Mighty Brick of Doom!'"

Then Zim heard a crash from upstairs. He glanced upwards, then sighed. "GIR is probably breaking things again…"

Zim took the elevator up to the main floor of the house and saw that GIR and Mandy were playing tag. GIR was currently "it." Zim said, "GIR! Worm-baby! Stop now!"

Both GIR and Mandy stopped. Mandy said, "I have a name, you know. It's Mandy."

Zim filed that in the "somewhat useless information" part of his brain. He said, "I have finished! Here is you new and improved 'Mighty Brick of Doom!'"

Zim handed the brick to Mandy. Mandy looked at it for a moment, then smiled. "This is perfect!" Mandy then got this evil look to her face. "Now Sanosuke will pay for making fun of my Japanese skills."

Neko-Kenshin just stared for a moment, then sweat-dropped. (this was a perfectly normal action, seeing as how he was a neko version of an anime character.) As Mandy and Neko-Kenshin turned to leave, Zim said, "Now remember the deal. No Me/Mary Sues from you!"

"Yeah, Yeah, I gotcha." Mandy then quietly added, "Dib would kill me if I did anyways…"

Apparently it wasn't quiet enough, for Zim had heard it as well. "Dib," He said, "What does that stink-beast have to do with anything?"

Mandy snickered and left, Neko-Kenshin not far behind. Zim was still confused, though. Then, GIR saw a piece of paper on the floor. GIR picked it up and looked at it. He laughed and ran over to Zim. He said, "Look, master! The nice girl dropped her list-thingy!"

GIR continued to laugh as Zim took the list from him and read it. His eyes went wide as he read it. More importantly, his eyes went wide as he read option five. Barely readable, mainly due to the amount of scratching out, option five read, "I shall not write any Zim/Dib stories."

Zim yelled out, "Curse you writers and your slash tendencies! CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in her own special world, Mandy sneezed. (5) She took no notice of it, though. She had her 'Mighty Brick of Doom!' and she was happy. She strode across the lawn of the house, looking for Sanosuke. She found him in the backyard, practicing his fighting skills while the real Kenshin watched. Neko-Kenshin ran up to his human counterpart and purred. Kenshin smiled and picked him up. Then, he saw Mandy. "Aha, Mandy-dono. (3) it is good to see you back unharmed."

Mandy smiled. "Well, I did have Neko-Kenshin there to protect me. Good thing, too. The yard gnomes attacked us. Neko-Kenshin made quick work of them, though. Then, we got help from Zim, and I got to play tag with GIR!"

"Sounds like you had quite an adventure," Kenshin said, "Though I am still surprised that you didn't go to Koushiro(6) for help. Since you hooked him and Yamato(6) up, he's been on good terms with you."

"Koushiro has the brains, but not the technology," Mandy answered simply. By this time, Sanosuke had taken notice of Mandy. He snickered and said, "So, what did you do?"

Mandy grinned evilly. She said, "I'll show you."

Mandy then stabbed him with the 'Mighty Brick of Doom!' Sanosuke keeled over in pain, though he wasn't bleeding or anything. He'd have one hell of a bruise later, though. Sanosuke said, "wh..wha..what was…that?"

Mandy continued to grin as she said, "That, my friend, was the 'Mighty Brick of Doom!' Now I have a new way to keep you guys in line!"

Mandy walked off laughing. Kenshin and Neko-Kenshin watched her while sweat dropping.

****

THE END!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(1): all these characters are different characters from the anime "Rurouni Kenshin.." Good Anime. You should watch it.

(2): Long story. In chats, I like to "stab people with a brick." It's basically the same as "slapping someone."…well, I guess it's a short story.

(3): Japanese suffixes. -San is the same as saying "Mr. Or Mrs. So and such." -Dono is the same, only more honorific.

(4) There's a website where you can adopt Neko (cat) versions of your favorite anime people. That's where I got the idea. ^.^ I'm still waitin' for a Neko-Soujirou…

(5): It's a superstition that when you sneeze, somebody is talking about you.

(6): Random characters from Digimon. Koushiro's dub name is Izzy, and Yamato's dub name is Matt. *Waves a small flag that says "Yamashiro J00"


End file.
